Captain, my captain!

For so long I have been at the helm and although have not liked it, out of necessity I had to assume that position. The boat was out in unchartered waters and the captain had fallen ill. I had to learn how to steer the boat, change the sails, watch the approaching weather, give orders, read a compass, lead a crew, repair the machinery, and in it all, somehow keep myself in tip top shape as I was the only one capable of running the ship.
But the captain is back. I'm overjoyed! I no longer have to run this ship that I never really wanted to steer in the first place! I can reassume my place as skipper. I can enjoy the aspects of sailing that I haven't been able to as I've had to keep my eyes on the bigger plan.
My captain is recovering and is a bit squeaky. He needs some time as he eases back into his position. "Easy does it," some say. I'm very eager for my role as interim to be over. I am anxious to take commands rather than bark them. Once I catch a breath from the excitement of seeing my captain up and at 'em, I realize that this 'change of the guard' may take a lot longer than a handshake and a done deal. Almost like I shouldn't get my hopes up this soon, as the captain is still using a cane. So here I find myself.... in a state of some kind of holding pattern. I feel kind of lost, a bit discombobulated, not sure which way to proceed.
It is an uneasy feeling, nauseous even. I feel as though I've been dethroned, even though I never wanted to be King. I feel like things are in such disarray, but I'm paralyzed and don't know to continue as captain or to be just a skipper. I feel like we are at a turning point, but not quite at the intersection. Here are some other words that give word images as to my state of mind and my feelings:

in que
waiting
on the verge
wandering
empty
out of gas
change of the guard

I'll be so glad when this change has happened and I am happily back to my good ole skipper self!